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Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Suddenly Different - Gay is a Choice!


  1. I hope one day I can have your intellect as well your courage to move forward with my life and be my own man. I have seen a few of your videos and I can't help but relate with a lot of what you have said. At the moment, I myself don't feel like I belong in either the gay or straight community. I hope to hear more of your outlook in life.

    1. Write me directly my friend, at zpower2b@gmail.com

  2. I just saw that video you made on You Tube. It was kind of passed along to me. It was almost eerie. There are disturbing similarities between you and I. But then there are pretty profound differences. I didn't think I could really care anymore, but it would seem I cared enough to dig up your blog, member myself to it, and post this.

    I've been in the military most of my adult life. I joined the navy when I was 22 I think. Got out in 06 and worked overseas for the DOD for three years before realizing that I hated being a civilian. So, because my brother didn't want to do it by himself, we found a national guard unit that was deploying and joined it. Just spent a pretty awful year in afghanistan and got back about three days ago. As you can probably surmise, much of what you said in that video is pretty close to the surface for me right now.

    The law says we're legal now. Great. Hooray. Why don't I feel any different? I've spent the better part of the last fifteen years deadening myself so that those kinds of issues never came up, and now that it's supposedly a nonissue and I'm allowed to be myself I find that I really don't feel much of anything anymore. How did you do it? I want to be able to imagine a future where I'm not going to be alone, but I have no idea how to go about doing it. I'm willing, I guess, or I wouldn't be asking, so I suppose that's not an issue... I just don't even have the faintest idea of where to start? If you read this, and have any clue what the hell I'm talking about, send me a message. In any case, thanks.

    1. Well -- "One Eye Watching" .. lol .. sorta wish I had a name I could address this too, but perhaps that will be coming. I regret to have to make such a "public" reply, but I don't have your email -- I can only hope you visit this blog again. I don't know how else to reach you.

      I can relate very much to the hollowness you feel about the defeat of DADT. It never should have existed in the first place, so now its simply where it should have been all along -- so lets get on with it. BUT, with or without DADT ... with or without Constitutional gay-rights ... with or without the approval or sanction of society or the church or my family, I AM STILL GAY. I can't lie my life in an unjust world, seeking "justice" -- or love for that matter. BOTH love and justice, I've surmised, can only begin and take root WITHIN MYSELF.

      You said something particular that struck a chord with me: "...I want to be able to imagine a future where I'm no going to be alone..." THAT was one of my biggest fears about coming-out. In my early days of coming-out, I used to go to a sleezy gay bar (the same ones Jeffery Dahmer was going to), and I remember seeing "old men" sitting alone at the tables. I thought to myself, "if THIS is being gay, I never want to grow old" I've since realized that "aloneness" is not a fear indicative of gays ... str8's feel it too ... the fear of age and aloneness is a HUMAN thing. That said, the weight of that fear is perhaps a bit heavier for gays given societies reluctance to "grant" us the public graces THEY take for granted --- Things as simple as holding hands or a kiss on the cheek in a public place.

      As I sit hear pondering a worthy response, I'm wondering if meeting you on Skype would be a possibility? Can you download it -- its FREE!

      My Skype name is "Zpower2b"

      I live in South Africa ... so the time difference is 6 - 7 hrs from the US East coast. We'd have to factor that in whenever we chat. OR we can cam on Gmail? Let me know what you think.

      It is difficult for me to give a direct response, because I don't want to simply diminish your life experience by comparing it to mine, then giving you "my" prescription for things. I'd like to get to know you.

      I don't know if this bit of trivia gives you any hope, but my uncle came out to me when he was 70yo ... he finally decided to embrace HIMSELF without apology or explanation.

      I guess thats how I boil down life and happiness: If it doesn't come from within, then I'll probably never find it in any lasting way from the church or society or the government -- or even from the gay community.

      SO, you ask where do you even start? Look in the mirror. Thats where you start. Let there be peace on earth and let it begin with ME. -- if there be love, let it start with ME --- if there be forgiveness, let it start with ME --- if there be understanding, let it begin with ME ... I think you can see where I'm going with this.

      ANYWAY . I really want to meet you face to face -- well, on Skype that is!

      When can we make that happen?

      Write soon, my friend!

  3. okay. king (dot) moloch on skype. I'll just leave it open for a while. I just got back from deployment to ghan about a week ago, so I'm not really on any kind of stable sleep schedule anyway.

  4. I'm a recent newcomer to your videos and I've liked what I heard from you in these blogs. You offer a unique opinion that is made all that much more unique because of what you've gone through. Thank you for uploading these blogs. I was hoping I might get your thoughts on something. I think that the idea of speaking of choice for sexuality is in large part based on an error in which we treat sexuality as a capacity, much like as if it were developing a skill like learning to ride a bicycle or learning how to add and subtract. When in fact sexuality is simply part of us like the color of our skin or eyes. No one ever speaks of developing skin or eye color as if it were a capacity. So why do we do it with sexuality. If sexuality were a choice, might not we then readily turn the question on a straight person: when did you choose to be straight? What answer could they possibly offer? Perhaps an answer all too familiar to those of us who are gay: I didn't choose to be gay, or straight for that matter. I would like to hear what you have to say in response.